In The Shadow Of The Day
by fika1603
Summary: Mokuba managed to sneak Seto's diary out from his room one night. What has Seto been thinking all these years? Set slightly after the opening of the Duel Academy. oneshot!


He hesitantly picked up a relatively thin leather-bound book from the depths of his bedside drawer. His long slender fingers reached out to turn the pages, but faltered mid-air. At the same time, he cast a long look at the recently developed photograph that lay clutched in his left hand. In the dim light illuminating his bedroom, Seto Kaiba smiled. It was not a wide one; sometimes, he felt that all these years of building up walls between him and the rest of the world made him forget how to smile. But it was a smile all the same.

_Time flies, doesn't it?_ His mind voiced out quietly.

He stared hard at the book in his hand. His real father had given it to him for his fifth birthday, that much he still remembered. "It's for you to write down all your happy memories, Seto," his father had told him after he unwrapped the present. And Seto did just that. Even when his mother died giving birth to Mokuba, he insisted on writing his brother's birth down. It was one of the hardest (and wettest) entries he ever jotted.

_Perhaps that's why Mokuba means so much to me,_ he added on silently.

The book was left untouched and unopened ever since they were abandoned at the orphanage. There was no reason to leave any trace of whatever happened after that. But he kept it just the same, because who knows, one day he might have enough reason to open it.

It lay untouched and forgotten for years, until the day of his first defeat came. Yugi freed his true self, and in his momentary confusion and his fight with his inner demons, he had somehow retrieved the book from the deepest corner of his drawer. For some unknown compulsion, ink flowed in the pages for the first time in a long time.

His fingers flipped the pages until he came to a clean one and subconsciously smoothed it out, although there were no creases. He himself found it odd, how such a simple object that was always taken for granted could mean so much to him. It was just paper, after all. Wordlessly, he slid the photograph in between the pages and reached out for a black fountain pen lying idly on the bedside drawer.

He would paste in the photo properly some other day, he decided, quickly finishing off what he was writing. But for now, he needed a break.

**XO XO XO XO**

From the thin sliver at the door where light from the hallway streamed into his brother's bedroom, Mokuba Kaiba peered in. Seto was asleep. Surreptitiously, he nudged the door to open wider with the front of his sneakers and tiptoed inside. Every few steps was accompanied by a furtive peek at his brother, just to make sure he was asleep and not pretending to be. Apparently, it was the former.

He knelt just as quietly beside Seto's four-poster bed. His eyes remained on his brother's features while his hand pulled the drawer open. Convinced that his brother would not be awake any moment (it had been a tiring day for him at the office, after all), Mokuba shifted his attention to the content in the drawer. A triumphant smile played on his lips when he found what he was looking for.

Mokuba tucked it close to his chest and exited the same way he had come in. Only this time round, he cast his sleeping brother a long look that seemed to convey so much.

**XO XO XO XO**

July 7

I got a new brother! It's a weird feeling, but it feels nice in a way. He was so small, and when Dad let me hold him, I was scared that I'd drop him. But I didn't! And I think my brother looks cute, too. I hope he looks like me. That'll be so cool!

But Dad's acting weird. He said he was happy that I have a new brother, but he was crying. I asked him where Mum was, but he didn't want to tell me. I want to see Mum. I know she's inside that big room, but nobody's letting me in.

**XC XC XC XC**

Dad tells me that Mum's no longer here with us. He says that she's with the angels in heaven. But that's impossible! Mum promised she would always take care of me! She couldn't have just left! It's not fair! She hasn't even seen Mokuba – she doesn't even know his name! She can't be dead!

(the ink had smudged badly for the next few lines)… I miss Mum.

**XC XC XC XC**

25 Dec

My first Christmas with Mokuba! (big smiley face) He'll almost be 7 months old soon, and soon he'll be able to walk! At least, according to Dad. I can't wait for that moment!

Dad got me a new car set! But I think Mokuba seems more interested in it, so I'm sort of letting him play around with it.

Mum, I wish you were still here with us. At least then you could see how Mokuba is now.

**XC XC XC XC**

(dates were no longer written)

Mokuba could finally run and not just walk! I had this weird feeling in me, like I'm proud and happy to see him finally running! But I still have to watch over him at the park.

**XC XC XC XC**

(there were no entries for a long time)

I just got a phone call from the hospital. They say Dad's in hospital. He was in an accident.

**XC XC XC XC**

Our relatives chucked us at an orphanage. I should have known there's no sincerity in them. They're only there for the money. How could they get the lawyer to hand over all of Dad's wealth to them? But then, even the lawyer has a share. This is disgusting.

I have to be strong for Mokuba. He was crying at the playground just now, but I told him things will get better. I promised him it will, and I will find a way to make it happen.

**XC XC XC XC**

(there was a whole section of empty pages)

I lost to some shorty in my school named Yugi Mutou! I can't believe it! Where did I go wrong? I had everything in plan. Hell, everything was working as planned! Then all of a sudden he whipped out Exodia from his deck. How in the world did he get enough luck to pull Exodia from his deck?

But that's not the worst part. After the loss… I don't know. I feel weird. It's like as if I don't know who I am anymore. There's a part of me that I feel is missing.

And Yugi mentioned something about the Heart Of The Cards. Something, that according to him, I don't possess. What does he mean by that? Am I supposed to love my deck or something? That's crazy!

But it's precisely because of all this I left. I knew what Mokuba was feeling. I heard him. And I won't lie. It broke my heart. It wasn't easy for me, especially knowing that I hurt my own brother. Then again, do I have a choice? I don't. I have to do this.

I gave Mokuba his favourite card. But with that also I hand over the responsibilities to him. I trust Mokuba more than I trust my own self. I know he'll be able to take care of KaibaCorp. I just hope Mokuba won't hate me for doing this without telling.

**XC XC XC XC**

(again, several empty pages)

Damn that Pegasus! I swear I will teach him a lesson he'll never forget! What he has done to Mokuba… I'll never forgive him!

**XC XC XC XC**

When I saw Mokuba running up to me just now, a thousand emotions ran through me, but I have no idea how to express it. I want to hug him and tell him how much I love him. I want to hit myself for being so careless. How could I risk his life like that?

Yes, I'm relieved. But I'm still too angry at myself. If anything were to happen to my brother…

**XC XC XC XC**

(a thick section of empty pages)

I never knew Mokuba didn't feel the same way about our past. I never knew he thought that I was full of hate and anger. When he burst out just now, I was shell-shocked. The guilt that I felt… I felt so horrible. It was worse than anything that I ever felt. Why didn't he ever say it out to me?

Sometimes I feel that Mokuba is hiding his emotions from me. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt my feelings because I'm his brother. But doesn't he know that it will be much more acceptable to me if he was honest about it?

He was the main reason I agreed to help Yugi. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

I promise you, Mokuba, that I will fulfill my promise to you years ago. I've never forgotten about it. It was our dream, Moki. And now I will make it a reality.

**XC XC XC XC**

(Mokuba skipped the next 20 pages because Seto didn't write that much)

So apparently the dweeb squad conquest was over. I can't believe I dragged myself all the way to Egypt just for that. It was a weird experience, but it still won't change the way I view things. Whatever that happened presumably 3000 years ago was history, and that's how it should remain. Even if that priest guy was my ancestor, that doesn't matter at all. I don't know him, and he doesn't know me. But the whole Yugi and Atem affair left a lot to be thought about. As hard as it was for me to believe it, I know it was real. And it happened right before my eyes, so there's no way I can shun that incident.

Although I have to admit, being transported back there was quite an… enriching experience. I guess I realized that it was possible for me to be the old Seto that Mokuba had always wanted me to be. At least, if I made an effort to. We'll see how it goes.

On the way back, Mokuba did make me promise to change my ways. I'll try, for his sake. But like I told him, no promises.

And Mokuba gave me another business idea. Imagine if the business empire community realize that most of KaibaCorp's business ideas originated from a kid. I'll find a lot of pleasure laughing in their face. Look down again on my brother. Say again that he's just hampering my rise to the top. What they'll never know is how integral Mokuba has been with my eminent rise to where I am now.

**XC XC XC XC**

I sent Mokuba back to school. Clearly, he wasn't happy. But what sort of guardian am I if I ruin his one shot to lead as normal a life as possible? I didn't sacrifice my childhood for nothing. I sacrificed mine so that Mokuba could have his in the best way possible.

Yale sent a letter in. Apparently I earned my degree. (Mokuba could picture his brother rolling his eyes as he wrote it down) I could have paid for one, but I didn't want to. Self-achievement is one of the best feeling one could ever get.

But I do wish they could just post it over rather than wasting my time to fly all the way there. And I know all those reporters will be running features on me for at least a week. If they find the idea of me receiving a double honours from Yale to be a huge news, fine by me.

**XC XC XC XC**

Finally, the Duel Academy is open! This was my biggest project yet since KaibaLand a few years back. And the inspiration, again, was all due to Mokuba. Maybe I should take his threat to take over the company and make me work for him more seriously.

I managed to entail Yugi's and Wheeler's help with the Academy, although I had no choice but to invite that idiot because according to a survey, he was the third most popular duelist. Get real. He still can't beat me if I'm to duel him right now. Whatever. Famous names work for promotions, don't they?

I couldn't help but give honour to the 3 Divine Cards when I was naming the various dormitories. I thought that it would only appear fit that the three most powerful cards had a permanent place in the one and only Dueling Academy in the whole world. Of course, I might consider opening up a few more around the world, but that can wait.

Also, I managed to get enough sponsors to contribute to the Kaiba Foundation. This one, it was my idea. I just thought it'll be fair if I share a bit of my wealth with those kids. I know how they felt – I've been through the same thing, didn't I?

**XC XC XC XC**

(the newly-inserted photo was slotted next to this entry)

I can't believe these many years have passed. And Mokuba has finally attained his university degree. I attended his convocation, and that defining moment when he went onstage to receive it. I am proud of my Mokie. I didn't even realize I was tearing until I rubbed my eyes.

Mum, Dad, I hope the both of you are proud of him like I am. I hope the both of you are proud of the way I had raised him. I knew I wasn't the best brother to him; I spent far too much time on work to even spend time with him. But everything that I did, I did it not for me. I did it for him.

XO XO XO XO

"I see you found my diary."

Mokuba whirled around to see a tall figure leaning against the door jamb. The light from the corridor illuminated his silhouette, but shadowed his face. As the figure walked into his room, flicking on the light switch along the way, Mokuba looked down and bit his lip.

"I'm sorry I didn't ask you, Seto."

His big brother paused in front of him. Mokuba could feel his intense blue eyes boring into him. Suddenly, he felt a gentle touch on the top of his head. Mokuba looked up uncertainly.

"Did I do a good job raising you, Mokuba?" Seto said softly, a faint smile caressing his features. "Did I?"

Mokuba lunged forward to embrace Seto tightly. He wanted to cry, but he was all grown-up now. Grown-ups shouldn't cry, should they?

When they pulled apart, Mokuba noticed something strange in his brother's eyes: tears. But Seto either not seemed to notice it, or opted to ignore it. Rather, he continued to look at Mokuba with that quiet smile.

Mokuba smiled back. Then he reached forward to tap Seto's cheek lightly. "You're crying, Seto."

Almost immediately the latter wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. For a moment, his expression changed. "Darn it."

"But I like it that way, Seto," Mokuba cut in, attempting to give his brother some saving grace. "At least I know you're proud of me."

Seto chuckled. "Mokie, how many times do I have to tell you that I love you?"

Mokuba looked thoughtful. "Actually, you've never told that to me." Then he caught his brother's eye and gave a huge grin. "But you don't have to say that. Cos after everything you've done, I know you do. And you will always do."

Seto ruffled his hair affectionately. "Go back to sleep. You're in for a long day tomorrow. And oh, can I have my diary back, please?"

As Seto closed one hand on the diary, he used the other one to pull the covers up to his brother's neck. He used to do this secretly all these years; this time round, Mokuba deserved it. He bent over and kissed his brother's forehead lightly.

"Sleep tight, Mokie." He murmured before he sauntered away.

"No bedtime stories?"

Seto paused halfway at the door. His mouth pulled up at one corner, and as he shook his head gently, closed the door behind him.

In the darkness, Mokuba Kaiba smiled.


End file.
